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Elfie de Drabick

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(no subject) [Nov. 3rd, 2009|11:49 pm]
[Current Mood | sleepy]

I just went through my closet after finding it being so ridiculously messy. I realised i had a lot of stuff that didn't fit me. Clothes that just wasn't just "me". Well anyway i just threw them away, reluctantly of course. I don't know why i hesitated all these while. Maybe it's cos i thought that all these while, it had no effect on me whatsoever. I guess it's been time and i bring back the old image of me. The "me" that some of my friends had come to love. Please don't laugh at this, and ultimately, "me

As much as i didn't see myself saying this, i'll miss my class. It's ironic how i'm saying this given the amount of time i spend with them outside of lesson time. But really, you guys have some of the more compelling personalities without any inflation. It's just sad that politics outdo our efforts to be one class. But i still love you guys.

Personal life? Confusing yet blissful. Love life? Forever having its ups and downs. Everyone finds it hard to give. Overtly, it's much easier to receive. It's much more propitious to get a positive on your account than the pangs of substracting if you look at it that way. That's what happens when everyone's selfish.

For those out there who needs updates from me, here goes. Currently doing my internship at Sheraton Towers Hotel. Life is pretty stagnant when it corresponds with the work I'm having. And, I got a new number @ 96494240 and an iPhone 3GS. Decided to re-live the days when my iPhone actually died on me early this year.

Anyway, i think i need to reinvent myself.
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(no subject) [Oct. 14th, 2009|11:32 pm]
[Current Mood | loved]

I prayed to god and picked out a card from my enlightenment deck. I got higher mind. I guess I've learned about my body and more about my emotional self recently. Though I guess it's true. It's good to harness and understand these parts of ourselves but to be in control by them is another thing. I have to use my higher mind to steer myself and my chariot into the path I want. I have to stop believing in my image and start believing in who I am. Release all of that and carry on.

So I guess my nocturnal days are over or rather on a hiatus. Been sleeping early and waking up at 6am everyday. Internship @ Sheraton Towers is fun when you have Ain and Shyamala. Apart from that, I got a hair make over once again by Tony & Guy. This time it's some overlaped hairstyle.

And to that special someone, Happy 2nd Monthsary, which is on the 15th of the month. PS: I love you, I swear. Wish I could see you.
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(no subject) [Oct. 5th, 2009|05:48 pm]
[Current Mood | bored]

Spiraling out of control in my own world, I blocked the world out. I want to stop though I don't know whether I really can. I give people a good time and make everyone happy. I connect and I inspire. I want to make everything seem like everything's beautiful. Though deep inside, I'm not. I have fun, and I put that smile on every ones face but at the end of the day when I'm alone in a daze and in thought, I'm lost and I have this splitting head and chest ache. I want to make everyone feel good so that when you fly with me, maybe I can believe I'm actually flying. It makes me happy, but I just feel like I'm simply falling. And i feel I benefited you all for not making you to have to help me out but maybe that's a bad thing? Beause I cry out for help inside at what I see now as such a silly thing. I want to talk to someone. I want to tell myself and let myself believe I'm this beautiful person. There's something inside me that doesn't want to believe that. There's this thing that wants to help the world. But simply doesn't know whether it can. There's this part of me that feels like it's dying, I feel like i'm dying but fighting to live. I feel unappreciated, although I get so much appreciation. I feel unloved, although I get and give so much love. I feel like I want to die, yet I want to live. I can't take this anymore.

I now understand why all these artist killed themselves. You escape and your sad, and people enjoy that expression. You ride on that but you fall in this big hole further and further. You lose your meaning, even though life has no meaning. You need that meaning and chance that life is actually and really that beautiful, but tell me crystal ball, that life is beautiful.

I look into this mirror and i see no one there, this same vacant stare. I don't know who I am anymore, Who is this person in the mirror? Who is he? Or technically, Who am I?
 

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(no subject) [Sep. 27th, 2009|07:08 pm]
[Current Mood | contemplative]

Don't bite off more than you can chew, cos what doesn't go down comes back up.
Don't bite something bigger and stronger than you, cos when it turns around, it's gonna fuck you up.
Now that's something blissful to hear ain't it?

 

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(no subject) [Sep. 19th, 2009|02:21 am]
[Current Mood | cold]

Feel the beauty and the brilliance. Let myself slip and fall away into an endless river, though I am not afraid, I simply clear my mind and let peace consume me, as I drift and feel the currents take me along this winding path.

Many things are happening and have been happening in my life now, I'm transforming once again into this butterfly, I can almost see it from my waiting room of endless halls. My number is almost up. There is no point trying to swim against the current in fear. Now is the time when I let go and become who i was always meant to be. It's crazy, cause I can't believe it sometimes that my dreams can come true, that whatever anyone had told me before, they had just doubted their own selves.

I was heart broken, out of hope and drained much of life. I had no meaning. I was so lost, I was hurt, scared, I just wanted to run and run and run. now i stand with these endless possibilities, because i believed. When i was down and out, i looked up to the sky and i said, "There! I see the white light!" No matter how diminished, no matter how little hope ther may seem to be, I want to do this, and not just for myself, but for everyone, shall be your shining light in the darkness.

It's crazy to be in love with you. I wrote this to somehow hopefully inspire you all. Like how much I love you. I truly do, and really want to. Though i remember and have this image. We lay on my bed gazing at my room ceiling, and you talk about your dancing. I don't know whether it's your passion, or you'd like to continue it, but I think if I dance for you, you'd maybe somehow feel it in your body enough to feel that you want to go for your dreams too?

The world and life is amazing as long as you believe in it hard enough. it's hard, very hard at many moments, and we all cry don't we? though, there is always that little bit of hope we can see in the distance. Because I do it for you, I shall run 1000 miles and not looking back.

I just want to do it for you and that makes me whole, with you.
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(no subject) [Sep. 10th, 2009|03:25 pm]

School's out! So what you're waiting for? Burn the books! Finding a hotel placement for my Industrial Attachment Programme is such a whore. Thank god Sheraton Towers have condole me after countless interviews I went. I'm just away from signing on the piece of black and white document and I can enjoy my holidays peacefully. I've found love with another person lately. I've been with meet ups my friends to do some major meetup. I've been losing so much weight, once more. To sum it all up, I'm all good!

To the bunch of guys, congrats of becoming a slave to the nation. Be it the SAF, SCDF or SPF, just do your stuff and don't get into trouble. Much love, Elfie.

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(no subject) [Aug. 8th, 2009|02:27 am]

Its been a week after my post-surgery of my tonsilectomy and I'm in so much pain. Guess this is art of the recovery process. Woke up today full of emotion and of course my head and throat felt like it had been repeatedly smashed in by a sledge hammer. Mum's going back home to Japan next week and my love is moving in back to my place; our place. Oh well.

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(no subject) [Jul. 12th, 2009|03:04 am]
[Current Mood | silly]

I had my wisdom teeth out, right side to be exact. The left side will be done next week. I'll be having my tonsils out too, by the end of this month. I've been sleeping throughtout the whole day. Another Saturday spent at home and I hate this. I need my Saturdays the way it used to be spent with the love of my life. I've got to endure this till my parents are back in Japan. I am back to my previous life, sleeping all day and doing absolute nothing. I have to make sure it doesn't become a habit. A bad habit that took many early mornings to get rid of.

I guess I miss my secondary school days. The wearing of the uniform and the singing of the national anthem every morning. The cheap canteen food. Running away from classes with failed attempts. The urge of going back to my primary school every teachers' day, to see my friends whom used to be of the same class as me. Last but not least, the discipline masters and the detention classes where I swore till I can't swear no more. Those were the days.

I can't say I dont like my life right now, I trully love it. I guess this is how growing up supposed to be. Sooner or later, I'll be done with my national service and maybe move out and stay with the love of life. Get married after that? Life is unpredictably unpredictable.

Back to school monday. Working at Fairmont hotel for the AYG event was awesome. Miss that place. Most importantly, I miss you. You know who you are.
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(no subject) [Jul. 7th, 2009|10:31 pm]
[Current Mood | grateful]

I am not a cynic; for a cynic never sees the world. I am not the naive fool either; I’ve realised that the world isn’t rainbows and cupcakes. If you are on my side of the road, then you’d be aware of the existence of treacherous thoughts, desires and betrayal. If what i write is insignificant; as Haruki Murakami blatantly stated in Sputnik Sweetheart, remove everything pointless from an imperfect life, and even it would lose it’s imperfection. Are you still immersed in an amniotic fluid of incomprehesion? Well, I am disenchanted.

I’m on the wrong side of a parallel universe. I'm living in a crash world filled with love.
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(no subject) [Jun. 26th, 2009|10:51 pm]
[Current Mood | complacent]

Because I don't come on here often as I'd like to, every time I decide to blog, I have to back-track quite a bit.

School's out and half to three-quarter of the class are working in conjunction for the Asian Youth Games at Swissotel and Fairmont hotel, which I'm at. Mummy dearest is back in town. Love life has been going on strong, though we had some bumby journey along the way, but all is fine.

Till we meet again.
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(no subject) [Jun. 15th, 2009|06:36 pm]
[Current Mood | loved]

The lack of yusof ishaks in my wallet(so uncool right. why couldn't his name be benjamin like the american one) has forced me into taking up a job I know absolutely nothing about. Successfully lying my way into 'knowing the basics,' I now have a somewhat stable "income," whatever measley sum it is. Like everyone else I suppose, I hate having to listen to people who boss you around just because they apparently know better. I think Nik and I would make amazing anarchists. We're all "you're not the boss of me, bitch!" Damn punk rock sia. HAHA.

I don't know if my efforts are finally starting to pay off, or fate just dealt another one of those one-in-a-million good deals on me. Everything's starting to turn around for the better. I found love or rather love have found me. I'm thankful for that.
With all that's said and done/in the making, thank you, fate, God, whoever you are. I am inspired.

I love you very much. I hope you know who 'you' are.
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(no subject) [May. 11th, 2009|07:41 pm]
[Current Mood | loved]

Have you ever noticed the man who lights up his cigarette? How the flame casts a saturated, yet flickering redness on a face full of concentration; keen on bringing life. The state of life in perpetual knowledge that death is inevitable, thus it remains only embers that crawls ever closer to a filter. Meeting soon a leveled plane in abrasion that seals its destiny, ash like dud seeds scattered by the moving wind, like dust and a filter, standing upright, being its only memory.
 
They said opposite attracts but you're the exact same person as me. You have the same personality, you talk shit and whatever nots, you are full of yourself (HAHA!). You're full of imperfections and that is why I trully love you. Till then, only time will come for me to meet you again. School consume me for now, will you?
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(no subject) [Apr. 28th, 2009|11:00 pm]
[Current Mood | tired]

I haven't been updating recently. My greatest apology for those frequent visitors (I wonder if I actually have any). Talking about the word "frequent", I have yet to go to siglap and chill with the guys or whoever is not yet called up for national service.

School have currently taken my life away. And its 2 schools now. Dang! Talk about a day's timetable. I should stop whining. This is what I wanted and this is what I will get.

I've been going through a pretty intense regime for my upcoming rugby season. And due to this, I have to actually quit smoking or rather smoke during the weekends, but I rather quit. Plus having 2 schools to cope on, just adds the pressure on me. Social life? I don't think I'll be having any meetups or clubbing sessions in the mean time.


Is 2009 a bad year for me?

  1. My Iphone died on me.
  2. My school laptop crashed and my mac was giving me problems.
  3. My bestfriend left me and 'life' gave a new meaning to me.
  4. Relationships mishaps.
  5. I suck it when I'm given choices to choose.
     
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(no subject) [Apr. 22nd, 2009|08:34 am]
[Current Mood | determined]

Sorry, I was on hiatus. Anyway, handling 2 schools is kinda tiring, plus rugby to add on. Everything is back on track, I supposed. I miss Japan/Korea already.

I miss the old. The times when we used to frequent serangoon gardens, telok kurau and siglap, past midninght and head home when the sun is about to rise. But I guess you have moved on, and I told you I've moved on too. But have I?

School is starting in 2 hours time, I better get my ass off. Goodbye for now.
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(no subject) [Apr. 10th, 2009|12:00 am]
[Current Mood | rushed]


Time is passing way to fast. All my bags are packed and I'm leaving on a jet plane. I don't know when I'll be back again. I hate to go but reality seems to be phasing faster then what I've expected. This will be my last post in Japan. No harsh shades of blue. But before I go, have a blessed Good Friday. Jesus saves, even in Japan.



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(no subject) [Apr. 2nd, 2009|09:09 pm]
[Current Mood | cold]


Seoul, Korea

Tokyo, Japan
 
The similar banner neon lights? Almost colourful; full of life. I went out with the boys today and Chul treated us some bibim guksu and kimchi. Sadly I'm gonna leave Seoul and back to Okinawa this weekend. And by then one more week here in Japan and I'm back to reality, which is Singapore.

Mum asked me what I've sacrificed for Good Friday - Easter. I told her I've sacrificed my handphone (which I've not been using for almost a month), cigarettes (since the age limit here is 20) and not seeing my friends in singapore for a very long time. Good enough?

I'm getting tanned. So I guess new look when school semester begins I suppossed.
 
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(no subject) [Apr. 1st, 2009|09:07 pm]
[Current Mood | bouncy]


Ahn-nyong-ha-se-yo!!! I got in S.Korea yesterday. Kwan, Chul and Dong-sun picked me up from the airport and it's been a while since we last met during my last Japan trip. Its been windy and even my cap wouldn't stay put. Gonna be here for like 4 more days and then I'm back to Japan. For now, I just need to know my basic korean. Yong-o-rul hahl-jool asim-ni-ka?: Do you speak English? Jeo-nun han-kook-o-rul jo-gum-bah-ke mo-tahm-ni-da: I only speak a little Korean. and Shibal! means Fuck!

so for now ahn-nyong-hee ga-se-yo means goodbye!
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(no subject) [Mar. 28th, 2009|09:08 pm]
[Current Mood | sore]

Nobody is updating news/stuffs to me in Singapore. So far I heard a bunch of concerts and one of them being coldplay. I would have been there if I could. I'm enjoying myself here in Japan with my pals and a bunch of friends I made here. Once the 2 weeks are up, I'll be back to the humid island called Singapore. Back to reality I supposed. Life is full of brutal things, you have to grit your teeth, accept it and go 'Such is life'. This is one of them.

Life is back to the same old dating fiasco. A downtown guy? I supposed I am.
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(no subject) [Mar. 22nd, 2009|09:05 pm]
[Current Mood | hopeful]

On permanant vacation. Been doing nothing but driving out and getting lost.  I've been spending every single day with family and/or family friends. And I like it. I mean, everything's free. On a completely different note, I've suddenly realised I am so not a candy person. Chocolate got my vote. Just like Obama. Well not really, but if I had a choice. Which I don't, I mean I can't but if I had to.

So basically went to get my hair trimmed and asked for 1/2 an inch so I don't know how I ended up looking back and down onto quite heavily hair covered floors. Surely 1/2 an inch off all my hair, even with all it's thickness, wouldn't have been that much. But nevermind it's hair it will grow. My first haircut in Japan. HAHA

Elfie must be skinny! haha I can't believe I'm actually typing that. And I miss RUGBY!
 

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(no subject) [Mar. 19th, 2009|07:08 pm]
[Current Mood | content]

Pacing up and down the canned food aisle at the crowded supermarket this evening, right hand following my feet scrolling right then left then right then left again trying to find something that would wrench my 6 o'clock heart. My left just dangled giving my forearm the task of shopping basket hanger. I have this addiction. This obsession. This craving. For feeling. For emotion. That feeling that emotion that pain. The one that Hurts. That Hurt being my drug of choice and having realised, for quite a while now, that I, Elfie, captain of this amazing mind, can create circumstances that in turn would feed that addiction. Emotionally, physically. I can sustain that high.

It would help if I were a bit more attached though. If I were to use the capacity I know I have in me and started to care more about other people. I try to, but sometimes I do wrong things. I mean, I've pushed 6 year old Japanese kids running through candy aisle at that supermarket. Blame it on my beautiful temper. It was a bitchy thing to do. For some of those kids, it could very well have been their first time in a real live supermarket with real live Reese peanut butter cups and shiny golden-brown boxes Caramel corn. I mean, the candy section is pretty seductive. I have friends who candy shop regularly and still feel sugar's high going down the aisle. Did I do that on purpose? Did I secretly enjoy the post-pain of knowing I did a horrible thing?

If I built better relationships. If I had a companion who I were in actual love with. I think about my past a lot. The space hurts. They say Love Hurts. The pain is proof it's love. I use my heart for right reasons. But then again I am Broken Social Scene's Fucked up kid. The only Broken Social Scene song I've ever heard. So who am I to say I know whats right.

Contradict me. I still say I have no vice. I forgot why I just wrote this post. Might. Delete. It. I'll see.

The weather today was lovely. Goodbye winter and hello summer (for Okinawa that is). I can't wait for Tokyo!
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(no subject) [Mar. 17th, 2009|07:15 pm]
[Current Mood | content]

Flag of Japan
 
I'm in JAPAN! Ok it's outdated but who cares, haha. I've been driving here since dad rented a car for me. Life's been treating me good. Living in the city with a touch of traditional Japanese aura.  I'm going to Tokyo and Sapporo next week with Akio, Ryo, Takeru, Jake and Manfred. Anyway I better get going and Happy Saint Patrick's Day. Till then, Sayonara!
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(no subject) [Mar. 8th, 2009|11:18 pm]
[Current Mood | drunk]




MANY THANKS TO ALL BIRTHDAY WISHES VIA PERSON, PHONE, IM AND FACEBOOK. 
I FEEL REALLY BLESSED AND HAPPY.

I apologise to whoever I talk shit/crap to yesterday when I was drunk. hahaha
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(no subject) [Mar. 2nd, 2009|01:01 am]
[Current Mood | good]

I really need to sit down, blog and organize my thoughts. They're running around, like little kids during engagements, in my head and just refuse to go out of the bride's room. Meaning they always come to mind as they bear huge significance, i guess.I had fun at Aishah's engagement. Me, being the photographer for the day. Apart from that I'm happy to witnessed the event though I had to skip modelling shoots and church.


 

I just finished doing some major calculations on Microsoft Excel for some school project. I've lost my touch and I had a hard time doing the shits on little columns. 1 more week of school and exams after that. Time is passing too fast. Japan here I come!





**Birthday @ St James (POWERHOUSE) on the 7th March 10pm onwards. Tell me if you're interested.

 

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(no subject) [Feb. 25th, 2009|12:00 am]
[Current Mood | contemplative]
[Current Music |Seventeen Forever - Metro Station]


You are young but so am I and this is wrong but who am I to judge. You feel like heaven when we touch. I guess for me this is enough. We're one mistake from being together but let's not ask why it's not right. You won't be seventeen forever and we can get away with this tonight.
 

 

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(no subject) [Feb. 22nd, 2009|11:08 pm]
[Current Mood | sore]

Photo shoots are done and new assignments are up, rugby training is resuming, exams are coming soon. Japan trip is in 3 week's time and my birthday is in 2 week's time. Dear god, I am very exhausted. Would you please stop tugging the flood gates.I know this might all bring me to greater heights, maybe make me a sronger person. But I just want to remain as the weaker being in your presence. Stop hurting me.

Consume me, why won't you? For your name is time.
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(no subject) [Feb. 18th, 2009|11:32 pm]
[Current Mood | full]

I don't how to describe my mood right now. Its a cross between a few thousand emotions. Maybe its just part and parcel of being a teenager a.k.a. 'young adult'. So many feelings to be felt. So many desires not yet met. So many insecurities to hide. So many complications, so little time. And i never fail to mention how i wish i was living a simpler life. Then again, maybe there's no such thing as a simple life.
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(no subject) [Feb. 16th, 2009|10:51 pm]
[Current Mood | irritated]


Sometimes I wonder why I even bother? Because I care la fuck.
At times like this, I need my drugs and my alcoholic beverages
Or maybe,
I need to venture out on an adventure camp. Oh yes, how I miss camps.

I feel like joining some martial art forms.
Tried taekwando and judo.
Maybe I should try some malay forms like silat or so.
But rugby and drama are first priority.

Fuck. I don't even know what is going on with my life.
Cut me within the dotted lines please.
And that was so secondary 2-3 days.
Yes I'm emo.

Can I get another amen?
 

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(no subject) [Feb. 15th, 2009|10:50 pm]
[Current Mood | depressed]

Happy birthday to my sister and to the other 7 peeps: Melissa, Craig, Nadia T, Nadia H, Samuel, Syed and to all 15th February babies out there. My stomach is bloated due to Seoul Garden. But then, it's alright. Eating your hearts out is good shit.

Why is it when you decide to be sensitive, suddenly everyone around you seems well, obnoxiously insensitive? I don't know but I think it's because the moment you start to use that God-given gift, you start to unwrap yourself from the aluminium foiled layers of insensitivity you were wrapped under. So, I guess you're then just lying there exposed. Like an open wound, you are easily affected/prone to infection. I need some anti-biotic.

Why do people question everything? Can one predict the precise damage a car will suffer before a crash? Why does Wolf come before Howl, and Death before Life? Some things are meant to be obscure. Are meant to be vague. Are meant to be read backwards, upside down, and still the sentence will have an unfilled blank. Folly before destruction but to say that would be an understatement. Does one anticipate the anti-christ to come on Christmas day? That- maybe. I have to go.



 

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(no subject) [Feb. 14th, 2009|11:31 pm]
[Current Mood | confused]


Someone asked me a question today, "Elfie, what is your current style/dressing at the moment?" The answer: I don't know. It's a very complex  question because the way I dress is very subjective and is rather how people perceive me for who I am, rather than what I wear. My dress code: simple, different and with an added funk, that's how I like it to be. To be judge by its cover, thats for the eye's of the beholder to decide.

I'm left with 3 weeks of school. I must remember to keep up with school work. This semester is filled with project based modules and I'm still wondering why am I taking up this Entrepreneurship module because it's 100% non-related to the course I'm taking and it's time consuming and rather redundant for the course/my future. It defeats the whole purpose and in turn becomes a new source of stress. But in a lighter note, I'm glad I've learned something new as I believe learning is a journey rather than a destination.

Somehow, I miss 2 things in life I enjoy doing most. which time has constraint me to do so. They are drama and rugby. Drama is the only way for me to be someone else and take up that role and execute what I'm supposed to be. And as for rugby, it's a way of letting lose of myself and having fun rather than a sport itself (though it does comes with minor injuries at times). Although drama and rugby do not co-exist together, I still believe it runs through my veins and it's a way of life rather than an activity or a routine.

I'm missing someone really badly now and it just keeps on getting stronger day by day. At the same time I'm scared that someone might feel aggitated by my presence. I'm lost and confused. If time is running too fast, we can slow things down and make things happen, rather than disengaging everything and leaving someone, whom is me, with a broken heart. Like I said last week, you're beautiful in every way to me. So give me this one and only chance to prove, love actually exist.
 

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(no subject) [Feb. 12th, 2009|09:47 pm]
[Current Mood | sad]

Just when you thought everything would be fine.
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(no subject) [Feb. 11th, 2009|08:04 pm]
[Current Mood | giddy]

I've got alot of comments from people, especially from school, that my english usage for my blog is quite bombastic or proficient in expressing myself. I object. Maybe I should start a campaign called, "Promoting English Proficiency". Maybe I should, haha.

My dad is gonna leave for Japan end of this week and my mum anytime soon after him. Its back to my "lonely days" at home, i assumed. But since I've found my love or rather my love had found me,I don't see any harsh shades of blue for now and for the future.

 

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(no subject) [Feb. 10th, 2009|12:24 pm]
[Current Mood | cold]

Love is a very strong word. Sometimes it flungs around too carelessly. You wonder if you made the right choice. If you should or shouldn't have trusted that gut feeling. But as much at it's a choice, it comes down to feelings as well and this time, it just feels so right. No regrets this time. I' tired of thinking so much. Feel like I did something right for once like fucking finally.

Anyway, so the day before yesterday I walked into my mom's room and i noticed she was busy doing/reading something on the internet.
So i asked "whatchuuuu doin?" and she said "Reading your blog." WAHAHAHAHAHAH. Hi Mom. Since you're probably gonna read this, I might as well type this here instead of calling you sooo (I want something for my birthday and you know what I want)

Talk about killing two birds with one stone. I never got the whole "kill two birds with one stone." theory. How does it work? You hit bird number one, bird number one goes into shock/gets a major spasm/whole-life-flashes-before-its-little-birdy-eyes and decides it's JUST NOT FAIR that it dies alone and decides to "bring a friend" along (i'm sure the afterlife would be a whole lot better, with a friend) and well, bites any random bird thats closes to it, drags it down, and BAM. They both die. TA-DA! Hmm, I don't think thats how the whole "kill two birds with one stone" thing works, but thats how i'm imagining it in my head. Enlighten me someone! Anyone.
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(no subject) [Feb. 8th, 2009|10:31 pm]

I'm sick of trying to be in love. So now, I'm thinking to be in a relationship rather than trying. How about taking this one and only opportunity and risk it all. There won't be anymore dating sessions/fiascos for me or flirting my ass way through my pathetic life. Even though I've stopped at the green lights and despite all those golden oppurtunities waiting. And now when truth has come knocking on my door, should I open it? I think I will. For this time I will.

 

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(no subject) [Feb. 5th, 2009|11:43 pm]
[Current Mood | bitchy]

Classes are cancelled tomorrow which means time for catching up on sleep.
I'm a happy boy :D
Long weekend and an interesting Saturday for me.
Goodbye bitches. Love you.

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(no subject) [Feb. 4th, 2009|10:47 pm]
My parents are home from the states. Mum got home at 1am on Wednesday morning and dad at 12noon. Nobody noticed my 3 new piercings. Even when I'm bare bodied after shower. Conclusion? My parents are ageing and I can proceed on with doing tattoos HAHA! Looks like my mullet mushroom hairstyle is gonna stay here for quite some time. I'm planning to revamp it into some korean-japanese fusion hairdo early next month. Note to self: Hair grow faster!

After all these years, I've come to a point. I'm sick and tired of formal wears. Its gonna be a year since I've been formally dressed up for school. The long sleeves, leather shoes and neck ties. I'm just sick of it. From monday to friday, 8am-5pm. On a lighter note, it has open a diverse spectrum to what business etiqutte and grooming all about.















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(no subject) [Feb. 1st, 2009|11:42 pm]
[Current Mood | silly]

It's 1st of February. How time flies. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Unfortunately for me, i'm not tough. Not at all. I crack under pressure, I guess. haha. From now till 8th March I really have to focus my attention in class, finish up on the projects and assignments, and revise on my school work. By then, I'm done with the school semester. Ironically, my birthday falls on 8th March and the next 2 days will be my exams. That sucks.

I'm expressing myself through body piercings. Okay I'm not emo. And I did pierced my tragus. The last time I actually pierced was in December 2006 which was a blissful disaster. I pierced the helix part and it somehow mortified. After I did my research, it states that piercing guns are not commonly used due to risk of shattering the cartilage, infection and  sudden shock to the ear. Blame myself for not doing my research before proceding with it. I supposed ink and needles next?
 

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(no subject) [Jan. 25th, 2009|09:08 am]
[Current Mood | mellow]
[Current Music |One - Epik High]

My grandmother (dad's side) died yesterday in her home at Ohio, USA. Witnessing all the World Wars that has been going through history and seeing us grow up was something I took for granted. May she rest in peace. Mum is going there tomorrow morning, I guess, and dad is en-routing Singapore from Japan to USA. Due to unforseen circumstances, I can't be there cos I'm having school.

My life's been pretty dull lately. Only school has been keeping me occupied and I think its quite pathetic. Everything has been so surreal lately. I even pinched myself a couple of times just to make sure. My plans for "life" are all messed up (i'm not sure in a good or bad way yet) too. How do I explain the whole "life plans ruined" thing? Umm, okay. It's like I had all my plans written out on paper and neatly stacked out on a table (in alphabetical order). Forgetting to use a paperweight a huge gust of wind comes and my plans are but a distant memory. So much for organization. On a lighter note, I have been eating excessively, but according to the scale, I've been losing weight. Times like these, I choose to believe the scale.

Right now, I need that special someone, or I'm finding that special someone to colour me. And if you thinking of colouring me blue, you can forget it. I had enough of harsh shades of blue. Literally.
 

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(no subject) [Jan. 20th, 2009|07:16 pm]
[Current Mood | sick]

Time is a monster that cannot be reasoned with. It responds like a snail to our impatience, then it races like a gazelle when you can't catch a breath. A handful of things in my head. Stuff which have been existent, just constantly being buried with happy occasions. Time and again, these things surface. Maybe I worry too much? How long before things dissapear? Boundaries been set; thats's an excuse. But by nature, there's nothing much I'd do anyway. I'm breathless and I've had enough. Enough of being in that spot.

I worry about our internships. With the whole economic downturn thingy and this time there's a whole lot of us competing spots with schools such as SHATEC, Temasek Poly, Ngee Ann Poly, Nanyang Poly and other private schools. I wonder what's in it for me and the rest of my cohort-mates. It's very worry-fying.

Apparently, my immune system was at it lowest today and I woke up having a bad sore throat and fever. Stupid tonsils were bleeding. How'd I wish I had them taken off.

Tomorrow is housekeeping test and mocktail competition. All the best for me.
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(no subject) [Jan. 18th, 2009|07:30 pm]
[Current Mood | guilty]

Go ahead and let them talk. Their words mean nothing. I know you're scared but don't leave this place. Just turn around and let me see your face and now you're crying and you hold me and and you whisper in my ear; "just take my hand and never let go."
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(no subject) [Jan. 4th, 2009|10:52 pm]
[Current Mood | restless]

My school term holidays have ended. Say hello to morning alarm clocks buzzing at 6am (see the 's' in clocks. yes I need 2 alarm clocks to wake me up but at times it do fails on me), hello to cold showers to perk me up and hello to the commuters of the public transports. Anyway, I think this is my first post for 2009, so cheers for a better start on this year. Out with the old and in with the new. Bury the hatchet and good night.
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(no subject) [Dec. 31st, 2008|12:35 am]
[Current Mood | content]

I know this place has been dead for quite some time. Anyway, happy belated chrismukkah, and cheerios to the year 2009 which is less than 24 hours away :)
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(no subject) [Dec. 19th, 2008|12:10 pm]
[Current Mood | pensive]

The holidays have been treating me well. Although Christmas is coming soon, my presents will arrive a week late cos my parents wanted to celebrate Christmas and my dad's birthday in Japan. I'm missing all my overseas houses especially the one in Italy and the states. Moving on, I want to drive to school starting from next year but the problem is that, I'm still mummy's boy and she'll get worried and thinking I might die in an accident. Sheeeesh! I'm not looking forward for school to start. Projects, assignments, study, sleep and repeat.
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(no subject) [Dec. 8th, 2008|09:41 pm]
[Current Mood | cold]

Dammit. I just want to drop dead. I'm staring at my notes and they don't make sense to me at all. I was staring at a past year paper which just compounded the issue by making it all too clear how much I don't know. I still can't figure out why I took on so many commitments outside of school. Yet another mistake to chalk up to my unending list of lifetime mistakes. By the time I'm done with all the other stuff, I'm just too tired to do any proper schoolwork. The backlag of stuff unlearnt is the restitution for all the time spent over the past three months doing everything else. I'm not saying that I regret joining in on all these activities and meeting great new people (and not so great people as well), but it's just that I now feel my priorities were set in all the wrong places. I just want to die. Right here, right now. Am I a strong person? No. I just can't face the consequence of my actions or rather my inaction.

This post is probably overdue. I've been out with Rizal and to think of it, nothing beats going out with your best friend. Agenda for the weekends: Singapore Flyer, Town and Serangoon Gardens. One more project and test for this year before I take my break and school term re-opens next month with continuing project assignments. The horror! Plus my folks will be home by this month and not forgetting Christmas, which is my so called 2nd birthday. Tis` the season to be jolly, la la la la la la la,.....

Oh well. Looks like it's going to be a bust month for me and the last for 2008. I have alot of stuff that needs to be taken care of.
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(no subject) [Dec. 2nd, 2008|08:53 am]
[Current Location |campus]
[Current Mood | determined]

I think now is the most appropriate time to post something, given the turbulent events that have happened. Well, I think I really won't be coming back here that much to post. I doubt there will be time. Oh and I realised that people often complain that I write too complicated phrases and I have come to accept that fact. I agree that it has taken off the entertainment spot off of this place. And that hospitality sales and marketing is getting violent as I know nuts about that module. So I guess I've no choice but to suck up all on my notes and therefore indulge in a stress impulse kind of mood. Arhhh! Ah well. I think the lectures I've been having in school have been getting into my skin and bones. Head, shoulders knees and toes. All these perceived Utopia-cum-Dystopia. Where perfection is the aim. Perfection is great. How it is thought to be the way, the truth and the life, as extreme as it may sound. So perfect, it seems sketchy. So perfect it sends chills. Spotless like Barbie. But Barbie doesn't really look good in flesh and bones does she? Neither does Popeye. It provokes you to feel that imperfection is art. Imperfect is what should be however contradicting it is. How imperfect is perfect for the world. What better representation of inadequacy than humans? Do i need say more? What is life without art? Without imperfection? Without spontaneity? Without shortcomings? Without natural and humane actions instead of synthetic and plastic well. The school's Internet is starting to lose its appeal to me. The books and notes come beckoning. Here's to trials and tribulations ahead of my life.
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(no subject) [Nov. 24th, 2008|09:03 pm]
[Current Mood | restless]

I don't like easily trusting people for the plain reason that they are always susceptible to failing you. And really, it's something you can't avoid unless everyone was perfect. If a solution was easy, life would be much laxed. Well, really i'm already so calloused to this disappointment from people. It's annoying and the cause why i'm so wary of people till I'm quite sure. I really do believe I'm plagued with a mental condition. I think too much. I think about things that i sometimes find appalling when I realise that I'm responsible to such imagination. And I really wish I stopped being observant. I really have no idea why I've been given this "ability" to piece out people intentions. More often than not, it really takes the fun out of life. Because half the time people have ulterior motives to doing what seems like normal deeds. It's such a habit that I can't help but confess it's a part of me. I wonder if there's a cure for my Hypomania.

I hate this part right here.
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(no subject) [Nov. 23rd, 2008|08:29 pm]
[Current Mood | tired]

I am very moody. I am very tired. Yes, I am. I will kill. This weekend is already over and i feel like shit. ManUtd didn't won and i'm so annoyed and upset at this, i don't feel like studying. Term test is in 2 weeks. I'm scared. I'm not doing anything about it, at this moment. School sucks and most importantly, my attendance sucks. Life, right now, is very accurate defined as when you're taking a crap but there's no issue. You know the experience is good for you, but you ain't got nothing to clear the negatives along with it. It's certainly a "what-the-X ( where X= any emotive exclamation)" situation. I hate it. For now, i wish i was insane. Insane in the context of which I'm inspired to work out Art. Warhol/Hirst-kind-of-Insane. Sometimes I don't know why I'm studying my ass off in school. During daydreaming session I had today, I was thinkning, "What if i had gone to a local JC and there after pursue medicine?" What a life! Went out with Mike, Jocelyn, Ruimin and Jennifer yesterday. I was very random. I was emo/high kind of mood. I was in pain. I was sleepy. Yes, I am. I miss my buddies. And Mike, I miss our secondary school days. Everything is so different now. Everything is just so quiet and dull now.




PS: I had a bruised on my mouth, so I covered it.
PS: Jennifer wasn't in cos she was the photographer.
PS: I pretended to be chinese with my slint eyes.
PS: I BETTER STOP WITH MY PS-ING HAHAHAHA!
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(no subject) [Nov. 19th, 2008|07:59 pm]
Brand new start, I guess?
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(no subject) [Nov. 16th, 2008|09:25 pm]
[Current Mood | contemplative]

This weekend, or rather this entire week has been extremely eventful. School has been much more of a bitch than aroller coaster ride. I had my class BBQ pit at East Coast Park on Friday night. Company was great. I've got to prepare for my school. Assignments, projects, tests and examinations are killing me softly.

Let's lose ourselves tonight while we still can, huh?

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(no subject) [Nov. 10th, 2008|11:26 pm]
[Current Mood | blah]

There’s nothing to feel sorry about. I feel like I’ve neglected all the significant people in my life for something I no longer pour my heart and soul into. I’m making a decision, and I know my heart is in the right place. If I choose to leave, I’ll leave and never come back. Know that I left because I want to leave. My happiness is at stake. I guess I’ve said all there is to say.

I NEED TO SAVE MONEY AND/OR WORK!

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(no subject) [Nov. 6th, 2008|11:34 pm]
[Current Mood | grateful]
[Current Music |Tears and Rain - James Blunt]

Always talking, never saying the things that matter. Currently listening to "Tears and Rain" by James Blunt. Reminiscing the good times I had with my boys. Those times we had our after school lepak-ing sessions at hougang, serangoon gardens, siglap or east coast with our uniforms after school. I'm missing every moment of it. It was only a matter of time before we knew it was times up and we had to move on with our separate lives with our own unique distinctive future we had in plan. After secondary education, some proceeded to JC's, Poly's, private schools and even abroad. New life, new environment, new friends. We made a promise that we'll be keeping in touch but somehow it was just wishful thinking. Everything is so different now. I was clearing up my memory box and some old photos popped out. Looking back, I really enjoyed life back then BUT I couldn't see a future in me. I took a new life on me and I'm here where I'm standing. Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of luck. Life is about taking chances. You never know where it might lead you into.

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